I had somewhat of a revelation the other night. I was laying in bed, unable to sleep because once again, my mind would not shut off.
I had this particular subject on my heart for quite some time. Debating with myself again and again, but still left feeling so lost.
I’ve been dreaming of launching a blog for years. Seriously, freaking years, people. As some of you have even heard me continuously talk about it, without any progress to show. The thing is though, I have NEVER put my wants, dreams, or goals on the forefront. They’ve always been on the back burner. Especially since becoming a mother. Maybe you can resonate with this, or maybe you cannot fathom it at all, either way, this is my reality.
After spending my days chasing, playing, and reading with Tucker, making meals, and doing never-ending household chores, I’m freaking beat. I hardly have enough energy to read, let alone chase my dreams.
This under no circumstances means that I don’t adore my life. Or my family. Or being a mother. Or that I’m unhappy in the slightest. I wholeheartedly love this life I have created. It’s what I have always dreamed about, but I’m allowed to have other dreams too. I know, a mother has another dream apart from her family? Strike me down.
There’s constantly this pressure from society, even if it’s unsaid, that mothers should give literally everything that they have to their loved ones. I learned the hard way that you must take care of yourself before taking care of anyone else. Unfortunately, the extent of my self care never included dream chasing. I was just trying to shower regularly, read a novel, or do a little yoga. I have never ventured far into the pursuit of my passion. I dabbled a little, but I was mostly dreaming. Nothing more than daydreaming. As more time continued to pass, I felt further away from this dream of mine than ever. I truly felt defeated.
I couldn’t decide if I was ready to let this dream of mine go. It was starting to weigh too heavily on my heart. Should I just give this one up? Pursue a different one? An easier one, maybe? One not so big or grand?
As I was laying there that night, something happened. It came to me, that if I let this go, I’m forever going to wonder “what if?”. I’m going to spend the rest of my days with that tiny seed in the back of my brain saying, “What if you would have done it? Where would you be? What would you have accomplished?”. I don’t want to be a “what if” kind of woman. No, I refuse to be that woman. How could I ever expect Tucker to chase his wildest dreams, if I could not chase my own?
So, I made my decision. I would give myself one year. 365 days to pursue this crazy dream of mine. To give my dream all I’ve got. To see what I can accomplish.
When these 365 days are up, if this not something that makes my heart soar like I think it will, I will let it go, but not without putting forth real effort.
I cannot let this dream go without going all in first.
I know that not everyone will understand this dream, or fully support it, or even acknowledge it, and that’s okay. To fully pursue this, I have to let my fear go. My fear of judgement. My fear of being vulnerable. My fear of failure. Which are all very real, and a huge part of what’s been holding me back for so long.
What I want to create is much bigger than my fear. Yes, I want to launch a blog, but there’s much more to it than that. I have a passion for writing. It thrills me to my core. I want to share my words, thoughts, and the nonsense inside this brain of mine with the world. I want to be completely vulnerable with my unique experience entering motherhood, and my journey of raising Tucker.
I want to create a platform to inspire, empower, and help other women. Overall, I want to create a community of women, all women, every freaking woman to truly connect, learn, and grow together. As one.
A place to be open and honest. To laugh at ourselves. To cheer each other on through our successes. To get through the hard days, even hard seasons together. Most importantly, to raise good humans together.
They say it takes a village to raise babies. Well, I want to make my own.
So, join me on my journey, or don’t. Either way, I’ll be right here, chasing my dreams.