Since I have been thinking about blogging for so long, I have an abundance of writing pieces tucked away in a stack of journals. There’s a journal for every season of my life. Mostly because every season I would tell myself this would be the season I turn all of my draft posts to published ones. As if a cute new journal would do the trick. Silly I know, but I always thought that if I bought the most beautiful journal I could find, it would finally happen. Also, I have a serious weakness for them. They’re my jam. You could never have too many. It took me many journals and seasons, but I finally figured out that a new journal is not the key to accomplishing this goal. Nothing I could buy is, expect maybe a venti iced white mocha, extra shot, no whip. I could conquer the world with one of those. The thing is, I had the key all this time. I’ve always had it; It just took me five years to dig it up.
Before I dive into different aspects of my blog, I wanted to share one of my favorite pieces from what seems like a lifetime ago.
December 19, 2016 1:31 pm
I think about having a family quite often. Probably too often for a twenty year old, but that’s the baby fever that was engraved into my heart.
From the time you can talk you’re questioned on what you want to be when you grow up. Of course when you’re in kindergarten you can say whatever you want. As I grew older I couldn’t find a definitive answer. At least not one that the people in my life were expecting to hear. I have changed my major many times, and my answer to that question even more. That’s because there is only one thing I have ever known I wanted to be: a mother.
Now I know that not all women choose to have children, or want them, or even like them. I respect that. I do, but that is not me. That has never been me.
As if it is part of my soul, to have children, to be a mommy. Something about the bond of growing a little bean inside you and watching him/her grow until you leave this earth, is just absolutely magical to me. I have so many thoughts, ideas, and tidbits of details on motherhood scrambling around in my brain. Too many to try to organize in a logical fashion. So, in all of it’s chaos, here it is:
My Motherhood List
•If things go according to my plan (not that they ever do), my children will be half of me and the other half, my soulmate’s. That thrills me to my core.
•I love imagining which traits and quirks we will pass down to our babies. Even more, I love imagining what type of people they will grow up to be. What will their personalities be like? Will they have my blue eyes? What will they be passionate about? What will make their hearts happy? The possibilities are endless.
•I will demonstrate to the best of my ability, my love for nature, the world, the people around me, and most importantly, myself (which isn’t always easy) so that they can learn those things first hand.
•I aspire to raise my little ones to have kind souls. For their minds to be open, as well as their hearts, with everything that enters their path. To love all of the earth’s creatures and befriend them based solely on their character and nothing else.
•Mental health awareness is something that I personally feel strongly about. It is just as important as physical health. I vow to be open with them about the struggles that I have had. I cannot stress enough how important it is to me that they feel completely comfortable coming to me with absolutely anything that weighs heavy on their hearts. With no judgement or negative feedback in return, only love, support, and guidance.
•As parents, it’s our job to show them how proud we are of their accomplishments. To teach them that it’s okay to make mistakes, even fail, but to also teach them that it’s not okay to give up without trying first.
•When I was little manners were just about burned into my thick skull, and I am thankful for that. Please and thank you can go farther than any form of payment, in my opinion. I will strive to have other parents boasting about how polite and well mannered my chitlins are, because *hopefully* one day it will come naturally to them.
•I think my favorite aspect about how my parents ran their household was their open door policy. That is something I will always have in my home. Our house will be a place that feels like home to everyone that enters it, especially when they don’t always want to be in their own. Growing up, there was too much of that in my friend’s lives. I will forever be grateful to my parents that our house was a safe haven to anyone that needed it. I wouldn’t run my household any other way.
•I want to be those parents that are so in love it disgusts our kids, but my hope is that one day it will show them that true love does exist, to always fight for it, and NEVER settle for less.
•When the time comes, I vow to be honest with them about my youth. About the good memories I made, along with the mistakes I made, and most importantly, the lessons I learned from them. I hope they can learn from my mistakes, but also let me support them through theirs.
Above all else, I wish to not only be a cool mom, but a damn good one.